Are You Calling Me Lazy?

The Mommy Wars...the entire concept makes me cringe. Mostly I hate it because of what an emotionally charged, and intensely personal subject motherhood can be. I recently saw an episode of Anderson where the guests were SAHMs and working moms discussing who was happier. I was appalled to hear the working moms say they thought SAHMs were lazy! Don't believe me? See for yourself...



Fightin' words, right? (It brought me back to an experience when a "friend" told me that being a SAHM meant just "staying home and wiping butts all day.") But once I got past being personally offended, I had to think deeper about it all. Can anybody tell me how we got to the point in society where women (specifically moms!) feel the need to judge, criticize and downright belittle which career path other women take in life?

I am a happy stay-at-home mom. I look at it as a privilege to do this job. I gave up my teaching career to be home, but I am my children's first teacher and I can't tell you how much I love that! It isn't always easy. There are days when I feel completely overwhelmed. There are days when I feel like I have NO idea what I'm doing. Here's the thing: I have to believe that every working mom feels exactly the same way. Which brings me to my point. Stay-at-home moms and working moms have have the most important things in common. We're all doing our best. We all want our kids to be outstanding. We all hold our breath that they'll behave in public. We are all exhausted. And every once in a while we probably all wonder if the grass is greener. I don't know how ANY of us do it! It's not easy being a mom...weather you work outside of the home or in the home. Why aren't we all supporting each other? Encouraging each other? Holding each other up, rather than knocking each other down? Toasting our accomplishments over a glass of wine or 3? We should be each other's biggest fans!

I say, go forth and find your own personal joy in motherhood, however that may be. For some that means spending the day at home in sweats, getting play-doh under your fingernails and jumping into action whenever you hear "I'm bored." For others that means putting on heels, rocking a killer manicure, jumping into action in the board room and coming home at the end of the day. I don't believe stay-at-home moms make the best moms. I don't believe working moms make the best moms. I believe happy moms make the best moms.

So what do you think?

A Letter To Ben On Your 8th Birthday

How is it possible that you were just born yesterday...but are turning 8 years old today? I wonder if you'll ever know how much you changed our lives on this day 8 years ago...how our lives truly began the day we became your parents. How could we have known then what a smart, thoughtful, and funny little person you would be these 8 years later. It has been so much fun watching you excel in school, get lost in many a good book, learn to love fishing and hunting, and enjoy playing sports. We can't wait to see you finally get to play football next year like you've been patiently waiting for! Perhaps most fun has been watching you revel in the role of big brother. (Even though you and Jack have your "disagreements" you still take such good care of him and Anna.) Your dad and I have had to learn as we go when it comes to parenting...and you, being our first crack at it, have had to be patient with us. Thankfully you never miss an opportunity to let us how we're doing. As your pre-school teacher once told us, "You never have to wonder what Ben is thinking." We said on the day you were born that you had wise eyes and an old soul. That hasn't changed over the years. You are an exceptional kid...always have been. While it's true, you did spend a significant part of the day reminding us that you're now halfway to getting your driver's license...would it be ok if we froze time right now instead? I'm having too much fun with you as an 8 year old boy. It would be a shame to rush things. I love you more than you know! And I am SO lucky to be your Mom. Happy Birthday Benji Boy.

Practically Imperfect In Every Way

The first thing you should know about me is, I come from a long line of PERFECT women. My Great Grandma Fergie was smart, hilarious and almost regal in my eyes. She lived to be 96 and stayed fabulous til the very end. My Grandma JC is one of the hippest grannies I know to exist. She has the perfect ensemble to wear to any event. And if she can't find it in a store, she just makes it! She's a homemaker who has always kept a magnificent home. I love her dearly. My Mom can do anything. I mean it...ANYTHING. You name it. She can sew window treatments, discuss politics, cook a mean Thanksgiving dinner, build you a shelving system for your laundry room, diagnose and nurse you back to health, and always conjure up the perfect words to say when you need advice. That's an impossibly high standard to live up to.

That brings us to me. I'm a stay-at-home mom of 3 trying to maneuver my way around Mother's guilt. I feel so lucky that I've had the opportunity to stay home with my kids and not miss a moment of their lives. It's such a privilege. But I'm constantly struggling with the expectation that since I'm a SAHM I have to be THAT mom. You know, the PTA president, the woman who bakes amazing treats and delights in cooking a fabulous meal for her family, the mom who throws elaborate and extravagant birthday parties for her kids and 293 of their friends. Since staying home and raising my kids is my primary responsibility in life I should be doing it to the extreme...right? Not even close. I tried the PTA and it wasn't exactly my scene, I can cook...I just hate doing it, and the thought of throwing huge and expensive birthday parties for my kids gives me anxiety. In short: I do NOT keep up with the damn Kardashians. I find myself agonizing over doing what all the other moms seem to be doing, and what I feel is best for my family and my sanity. My husband is constantly reassuring me that I'm a great mom and telling me to have more confidence in myself. (How lucky am I?) But I never let his words sink in.

I've said to myself several times in the last year, "If I had a blog I would TOTALLY be writing about this right now." So...after another one of those 'mom fail' mornings...trying to get my boys ready and out the door to school, completely losing my temper, and beating myself up about it afterward (*in my defense: there were scrambled eggs launched at and stuck to my kitchen ceiling this morning)....here I am. Blogging!

I am only now learning that I have to let go of my need for perfection and just enjoy this beautifully imperfect journey. That's what makes it all so fun. I'm proud of my little family. My kids are happy and smart, amazing little people. We don't live in a Pottery Barn catalog, we fight, we make mistakes, and we learn as we go. But we love each other deeply and unconditionally. I'm done competing for the Supermom trophy...it doesn't exist. What if we could all let go of striving for perfection? Can we find the humor in our messy houses, our sassy kids (who launch scrambled eggs onto the ceiling), the awful cooking we've put on the table, and all the rest of our insecurities? Starting today I'm owning this: I don't have to be THAT mom in order to be a great mom.