Thursday, January 19, 2012
Practically Imperfect In Every Way
The first thing you should know about me is, I come from a long line of PERFECT women. My Great Grandma Fergie was smart, hilarious and almost regal in my eyes. She lived to be 96 and stayed fabulous til the very end. My Grandma JC is one of the hippest grannies I know to exist. She has the perfect ensemble to wear to any event. And if she can't find it in a store, she just makes it! She's a homemaker who has always kept a magnificent home. I love her dearly. My Mom can do anything. I mean it...ANYTHING. You name it. She can sew window treatments, discuss politics, cook a mean Thanksgiving dinner, build you a shelving system for your laundry room, diagnose and nurse you back to health, and always conjure up the perfect words to say when you need advice. That's an impossibly high standard to live up to.
That brings us to me. I'm a stay-at-home mom of 3 trying to maneuver my way around Mother's guilt. I feel so lucky that I've had the opportunity to stay home with my kids and not miss a moment of their lives. It's such a privilege. But I'm constantly struggling with the expectation that since I'm a SAHM I have to be THAT mom. You know, the PTA president, the woman who bakes amazing treats and delights in cooking a fabulous meal for her family, the mom who throws elaborate and extravagant birthday parties for her kids and 293 of their friends. Since staying home and raising my kids is my primary responsibility in life I should be doing it to the extreme...right? Not even close. I tried the PTA and it wasn't exactly my scene, I can cook...I just hate doing it, and the thought of throwing huge and expensive birthday parties for my kids gives me anxiety. In short: I do NOT keep up with the damn Kardashians. I find myself agonizing over doing what all the other moms seem to be doing, and what I feel is best for my family and my sanity. My husband is constantly reassuring me that I'm a great mom and telling me to have more confidence in myself. (How lucky am I?) But I never let his words sink in.
I've said to myself several times in the last year, "If I had a blog I would TOTALLY be writing about this right now." So...after another one of those 'mom fail' mornings...trying to get my boys ready and out the door to school, completely losing my temper, and beating myself up about it afterward (*in my defense: there were scrambled eggs launched at and stuck to my kitchen ceiling this morning)....here I am. Blogging!
I am only now learning that I have to let go of my need for perfection and just enjoy this beautifully imperfect journey. That's what makes it all so fun. I'm proud of my little family. My kids are happy and smart, amazing little people. We don't live in a Pottery Barn catalog, we fight, we make mistakes, and we learn as we go. But we love each other deeply and unconditionally. I'm done competing for the Supermom trophy...it doesn't exist. What if we could all let go of striving for perfection? Can we find the humor in our messy houses, our sassy kids (who launch scrambled eggs onto the ceiling), the awful cooking we've put on the table, and all the rest of our insecurities? Starting today I'm owning this: I don't have to be THAT mom in order to be a great mom.